Would it surprise you to know that my life is not conducive to high heels?

I climbed into the car today to drive Little Girl to preschool and saw this little scene in the way back (3rd row):

Little Girl was thrilled with herself for strapping in her 4 babies.  And she immediately assumed I'd babysit her band of babies while she was at preschool.

Wrong-O!  Don't tell Little Girl, but I just left them strapped into those car seats all morning!

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The other assumption my kids wrongly make is that the meat we are eating for dinner is chicken.

The other night I made pork loin and one child said, "Mom, this is good chicken!"  To which I replied, "It's not chicken, it's pork, but I'll take the complement, thank you!"

Then several minutes later a child that was not listening during the previous conversation about the dinner meat whined, "Mom, I don't really like this chicken!"  I replied, "Well, it's not chicken, it's pork, so no wonder you didn't like it if you were expecting chicken.  Try another bite now that you know to expect pork."  That coaching worked out about as well as you would imagine it would!

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Talking about chicken reminds me of a funny story that happened recently when we were actually having chicken for dinner.

I had ordered a new pair of sandals from The Internet, specifically these:

Now, mind you, I have not worn anything with much of a heel since, hmmm, I don't know approximately 2003 when my first child was born because carrying an infant or chasing a toddler or preschooler just never seemed like a good thing to combine with high heels.

But, the wedge sandals are very in this spring and I thought those were especially cute and I reminded myself that my kids were not babies or toddlers anymore and ordered the high heel sandals with high hopes.

Fast-forward a few days, I'd finished dinner, my husband and oldest son were at his swim practice, and a couple of the younger kids were being pokey eaters.  I got tired of sitting at the table waiting on them so I got up to get the box I could see by the front door that had been delivered.  It was the shoes!  I set about trying them on.  I got those high heels all buckled onto my feet and walked to the far end of the house where I could look at them in a full-length mirror.

And that's when I heard them.  The shrieks from the children in the dinner room!  "The dog ate the chicken off my plate!  She got the whole chicken leg!"

Since chicken bones can be very dangerous to dogs, I attempted to race back to the dining room, only it wasn't easy in the high heels.   I managed to make it to the dining room and found the dog scarfing down the chicken and had to literally wrestle the bone out of the 35 pound dog's mouth while still wearing the heels.  Then after I'd fished the bone out of her mouth (or at least some of it) she began gagging like she was going to throw up, so I whisked her up into my arms and carried her out to the backyard ALL WHILE STILL WEARING THE HEELS because it was  an emergency and I hadn't time to sit down and unbuckle them to get them off!

Really, it was the most absurd thing!  I couldn't wait to unbuckle those suckers and pull them off my feet.  They went right back into the box they came in to be returned to the store because as it turns out my life is not yet conducive to high heels after all!

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Happy Friday, y'all!