What Can We Do About The Orphan Crisis? Part 1

I posted last week about my visit to an orphanage in The Dominican Republic during a mission trip and how I was not okay with the reality that nearly all the kids I met would never be adopted, they'd grow up in that orphanage.  Being an adoptive mother and having the privilege of knowing many adoptive families, I've seen the amazing, astounding, dramatic ways God heals children just by putting them in a family and I want that for all children!

Megan left a comment on that post saying, "It is def not ok! Breaks my heart...I want to help, anyone know where to start??"

I so appreciate Megan's heart and her desire to help.  It is such a good question, but not an easy one to answer.  I have been a part of a few different adoption/orphan care ministries and can tell you we all spend a lot of time talking about and thinking about this very question!

So, I thought I'd begin sharing some of what I've learned about how to help.

International adoptions are sadly declining.  The reasons for this are many, but countries have closed due to suspected corruption, like Guatemala, and some countries have stopped adoptions to the U.S. for political reasons, like Russia.  Then there are countries where there is so much red tape that international adoptions take a very long time (think years and years), like Haiti and now often-times, Ethiopia.  So, adopting all the orphans to the United States is not the main answer to get kids out of orphanages an into families.  I still believe it is AN answer but it is not THE answer.

So, what is?

Some countries have tried to promote adoption within their own country, but unfortunately, many countries, like Ethiopia, have a strong culture against adoption.  Orphans are viewed as very low members of society and bringing one into their family is not something most native people would consider.

There is an organization that has a unique solution.  It is called "Bring Love In".  They couple orphans who are given to them by local authorities (often school-aged children living in orphanages), and widows from within local Christian church communities, to create new forever families in Ethiopia.  You can to find out how you can get involved in what they are doing on their website.  But, also, it is a model I'd like to see take off in many different countries.  Orphans + Widows = Family  It's a beautiful idea!

This is just Part 1, the topic is huge, stay tuned for Part 2 (not sure WHEN that will be, but stay tuned).

For The Love of Books and Oven Space

My 6 year old guy has finally turned an important corner in his reading.  He likes to read!  And actually chooses to read now some in his free time, as opposed to being forced/prodded to read like it's been for the past year.  What brought the turning point?

His reading got good enough for these books: 
 

The Magic Tree House Books are great books about the adventures of a sister and brother, Annie and Jack, as they travel through time in their tree house to different places in history.  In the series there is a book about dinosaurs, one about pirates, one about travels to the moon, one about ninjas, and on and on for 50 books!

We invested in the set when my oldest was starting out on chapter books and I'm glad we did.  The books are great for boys and girls alike!  As much as I love the library, there is something to having an entire series right there on the bookshelf in your bedroom, too.

My 6 year old first grader is so excited about these books that he's read about 12 of them in just 2 weeks!  Before that he never really wanted to read in his free time and I worried he was not going to love reading like my older 2 children, my husband and I do.  I actually told his first grade teacher at the beginning of the year that really my only goal for him this school year was for him to grow to like reading.  Goal accomplished in October -- not bad!

But honestly who could blame him for not liking books when the books went like this:

"Mat sat."

"Sam sat."

"Mat sat on Sam."

"Sam sat on Mat."

"The end"

That is a paraphrase, but really we were so OVER the easy readers!

The little guy reading in bed with his book light:

I love that sight!

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We got a new oven this week.  The old one was an oven with a microwave attached to it on top, a model from the 1980s.  The microwave stopped working a few years ago, but the repairman said it was too old to repair.  Since it was attached to the oven, which was working fine, we just never prioritized replacing it.  And life without a microwave was really easy.  Seriously, I can count on one hand the times I missed it.  We learned to pop popcorn on the stove and heat left-overs in the oven or in a pot on the stove.

But, then recently the oven stopped heating properly, only the top heating element would work.  The bottom heater coil would not heat at all.  So, it was time to replace the whole thing.  We debated over an oven/microwave combo again, but ultimately decided we'd more use a double oven in the space.  Of course, the new double oven was bigger than the old unit, so we had to get our handyman to cut into the cabinets below to make more room.

Hence my kitchen looked like this from Monday when the new oven was delivered until today when it could be installed:

Feel free to soak in the mess in the background.  That's real life, folks!

Fun does happen amidst the chaos, though, and that is the important thing!

Happy Friday!  I have no idea how I'll handle my new-found capabilities to cook 2 ovens-worth of food!  Oh the power and possibilities!!

Find more Friday fragments here.

How long does it take to fix her hair?

I get that question a lot about Little Girl's hair.  The answer depends on the style.

This one?

Took 3 Brady Bunch episodes (our whole family loves old Brady Bunch episodes we get from Netflix).

So about 1 hour and 30 minutes.

And that is just the braiding and beading, it doesn't include the washing and detangling that I did for about 30 minutes prior to the braiding.

If you'd told me 4 years ago there would come a day that I'd spend 2 hours fixing 1 child's hair, I'd have said, "No way!  That's crazy!"

But, this is our life now and it's not so crazy, it just is the way it is.

Is it worth it?  I mean it's just hair!

In your native culture a little girl's hairstyle may not be a very big deal, but in some cultures, including much of the black culture, hair is very important and how a little girl's hair is fixed represents how well she is cared for.  Fixing my daughter's hair in some of the more ethnically-traditional styles is one way to embrace her birth culture.  There are a lot of things in life that are going to be different for her growing up in a white family versus growing up in a black family, hair does not have to be one of those things.

And, it's practical!  The braids and twists keep my Little Girl's hair much healthier.  Her hair dries out very quickly when it is in a "free hair" style and it is much more prone to getting sand, grass, dirt, and debris in it that are hard to get out.  Also, while the initial investment of time is a lot, this style will easily last a week with very little maintenance, maybe longer.

My 8 year old white daughter with long, fine, straight hair gets it brushed and fixed a bit each day, sometimes twice a day, and her hair has to be washed nearly every day. So, while she does not get 2 hours put into her hair in one day, she gets 10-15 minutes each day.

And my 4 year old black daughter with her coarse, curly hair, gets 2 hours of maintenance once a week (and some styles do not take that long) and then she only requires about 1 minute each day to add some oil to her part lines!

Another reason it's worth it:  She likes it!  This style is only the 3rd time I've done beads and I only attempted them after Little Girl and I were reading a book and the girl in the book had braids with beads in the ends and my Little Girl said she wanted her hair to be like that so she could swing it and hear the beads click, click, click together.

And the best reason of all:  Little Girl often gets compliments on her hair and people ask her, "Who did your hair?"  And she proudly says, "Mommy!"  As someone who only got to start being her Mommy when she was 3 years old, hearing her get to boast about something her Mommy did for her makes every minute spent on her hair totally worth it to me!

Fuel Level Low

It has been busy lately, too busy.  

So, it is entirely appropriate that my car displays this message:

26 miles to Empty.

It's a good warning to stop and refuel!

Leaving An Orphanage Without a Child

During our family mission trip to the Dominican Republic this summer we visited an orphanage.  I knew this was part of the trip agenda and was excited about it, after all, I have a heart for orphans!

I totally underestimated how hard it would be, I mean, I had already been to several orphanages in Ethiopia.

But, the difference was, this was the first orphanage I have visited since I left an orphanage with a child in my arms 19 months earlier.  

When an orphan becomes a daughter, everything changes.  Not just for the newly adopted child, but for the parents, too.

As you watch God's redemption unfold despite your human shortcomings, as you witness the amazing healing the presence of a family has on the life of a child, you want that for every orphan.

The orphanage we visited in the Dominican Republic was MUCH nicer than the orphanages I saw in Ethiopia.  The kids were in much better condition.  We had a great day of playing with the children, eating lunch with them, and delivering toys, clothes, and supplies to them.  Back on the bus, many from our mission group seemed to feel really positive about the good Christian orphanage the children we visited were in and there was talk about how more such orphanages might be developed.

Me?  I felt like a mama bear.  I wanted to roar, "It is NOT okay!  I want more for them than that.  Those kids need families!  Do you understand the PROFOUND loss it is for a child to be without a family?!!  We can deliver dresses and toys and that's great but what those kids really need are families to love them forever!"

The Dominican Republic does not really adopt children to the U.S. right now and adoptions within their own country are few.  It is very, very likely all these sweet girls (and several others we met that day) will grow up without a family:

I don't know what to do about it, but I do know I'm not okay with it.  

Maybe it starts there.  With us all being NOT OKAY with it.

Until every child has a family . . .

What's in Your Cupholder?

A totally random snapshot from my week: 

Little girl's school does show-and-tell based on letters of the alphabet.  The first week all the kids bring things that start with letter "A", the second week was "B", etc.  The kids write 3 clues about their item and put it in a small fabric bag.  When they take it to school they get to tell their clues and the classmates try to guess.  She took this tiny doll to school this week as her letter "D" show and tell.  And then it rode home from school in my cupholder.  Because why not?  When you are that tiny you can just ride anywhere!  Of course Little Girl wanted me to take a picture of her doll in the cupholder since clearly a doll in a cupholder screams "Kodak-moment!"

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Speaking of dolls, having 2 daughters and having been a little girl who loved dolls, I thought I'd seen it all when it came to doll features.  You know, there are ones that talk, ones that go potty, ones that drink a bottle, ones that crawl, ones that swim, etc.  But, no, I had no seen it all!

Recently I took my 8 year old to the toy store to redeem a gift card she got for her birthday and we saw this doll:

The Runny Nose doll!  She comes complete with her own box of Kleenex and a little cup that she apparently drinks out of and then this happens:

Gross!!

I told my daughter.  Well, at least they are making dolls true to reality now, because when you guys were babies and toddlers there were days when I felt like all I did was wipe your nose over and over again.  But still, I wouldn't want that feature in my doll!

Next there will be the projectile spit-up baby doll!

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I had to make the walk of shame recently.  The one where you have to go up to the librarian at the elementary school library (the one where you volunteer once a week, no less) and tell her your child has lost their library book, it cannot be found anywhere and you need to pay for it.  

There was a time earlier in my mothering when I might have seen this as a parenting failure.  But, really it's not like they hand you a "Bad Mom" sign right there in the library.  You pay for the book, get a receipt, and you instruct your little angel to be more careful with books in the future, life goes on.  No big deal!  

There's nothing like the wisdom of more years of mothering and more children to mellow a woman out!

And honestly, the fact that this is the FIRST school library book we've lost after 6 years with some combination of kids attending is actually a win in my book!  I have 3 kids at this school; 3 different possibilities to loose library books every week!  Really the librarian should have high-fived me -- FIRST BOOK lost!  In SIX years!  Amazing!

It also helped me feel better that I saw a friend and told her I was paying for a library book and she said she'd had to buy the equivalent of an entire bookcase during her kids tenure at the elementary school.

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Happy Friday, Friends!  Find more Friday Fragments here.

Easy Sensory Activity for a Preschooler

Sensory processing refers to the way the nervous system receives messages from the senses and turns them into appropriate motor and behavioral responses.

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) is a condition that exists when sensory signals don't get organized into appropriate responses.

This website provides much more information

Many children struggle with sensory processing.  This can be anything from getting upset if their hands are dirty to being too sensitive to tags in clothing to chewing on things to craving constant motion.  Children from hard places are more prone to sensory processing issues, but all children can benefit from having some sensory activities throughout their day.

Here's one super easy activity I set up for my preschooler (Yes, she is sitting ON the table, that happens a lot, and is often not a battle I choose to fight!):

I used one of those plastic shoebox type bins and put some soft, colorful pom-poms, clothes pins, and a plastic ice cube tray in the bin.  

My 4 year old loves to pick up the pom-poms with the clothes pins and that is really good for her fine motor skills that will help with handwriting later.  Also, the soft texture of the pom-pom balls is a good way to exercise her tactile processing.  The repetitive nature of the activity is also calming for an overstimulated child who needs to settle down.  And as if all that stuff wasn't enough benefit from this easy activity box, kids love to sort the pom-poms all kinds of different ways into the ice cube tray and this helps with mathematical skills and logic thinking.

Also, super awesome, this activity might just entertain your preschooler long enough for you to shower in peace!