A Cure for the Uneaten Lunch

There is nothing quite like the experience as a mother of carefully packing a homemade lunch at 7am, sending it off to school with your little darling, and then having the exact same lunch return to you pretty much untouched at 3:15pm to make you feel like your work is in vain!

Over the past 6 years of having a kid in elementary school and now with 3 of them there, all my kids have gone through phases of not eating their lunches.  I've tried everything from polling them about what they would eat in their lunch, to going to eat lunch with them to observe just why they are not eating their lunch (their complaint of not enough time I observed to be just too much talking and playing with their neighbor in the lunchroom and not enough eating!), to even threatening that they were going to have to start buying the cafeteria food for lunch!

Mostly, I have happened upon some combinations of lunches that they will eat and I feel are healthy enough.  But, really nothing has quite addressed the problem as efficiently as our newest solution.

At the beginning of the month, my husband let the kids know it was now their job to clean out their lunchbox in the afternoon or evening.  Before they were just required to put their lunchboxes by the sink and he cleaned them out when he did the dinner dishes.

His motivation was transferring some work to them but the added benefit is best summed up by what my 6 year old said (who is currently my worst not-eating-his-lunch offender), "Now I try to eat all my lunch at school.  Do you know why?  Because that way it makes it easier to clean out my lunchbox!"

Of course!  It is just that simple!  Why didn't we think of this before?!!!

Here's that little guy cleaning out his lunch box before bed:

Find more Works for Me Wednesday here.

Try Again

I have a parenting tactic for dealing with bad behavior, particularly defiant behavior, that really works!

I learned this idea in our pre-adoption training, it is covered in the awesome book The Connected Child: Bring hope and healing to your adoptive family by Karyn Purvis and David Cross, but it works beautifully with my biological children as well as my daughter who joined our family through adoption.

It is the re-do.

Here's how it works from a real life scenario I had with my 3 year old daughter tonight:

Me:  "It's time to put the napkins on the table for dinner." (This is one of her regular chores.)

Her:  "MOM!  NO, I'm doing stamps and markers!"

Me:  "Try again."

Her:  "Okay."

And she literally put down the craft stuff she was playing with and went and did the chore!

In times past I might have handled the defiance with a consequence, maybe a lecture, too about obeying.  Or maybe I would have repeated the request and counted to three to emphasize that it needed to be done right then.  But, those tactics often just escalate the issue.

 The beauty of the re-do is that there is no frustration, no arguing, no tears!  The child realizes they answered wrong because they were told to "try again" and then they have a choice to take the re-do and do it right without any further consequence or lecturing.

Of course every child is going to have times that the re-do doesn't work and they either refuse to try again or when they do, it is still bad.  Then I have to step in with more sternness.  But, I've really been amazed at how often "Try again" works, even with my strong-willed children (50% of my little darlings)!

Here's another way I daily find use for the phrase "Try again":

My 3 year old puts her shoes on the wrong feet 95% of the time!  Really, wouldn't you expect her to get it right at least half the time?  And flip-flops!  Who could stand to wear flip-flops on the wrong feet?  My 3 year old.

Do you use "Try again"?  Does it work for you?


Find more Works for Me Wednesday here.

Chore Consequences

I'm certainly not a parenting expert and I get parts wrong every day.

But, this much I've figured out, chores really help straighten out bad kid behavior!

Better than lectures, better than time-out or time-in (smiles and waves to my fellow adoptive parents), and better than taking away privileges. 

The work has a way of soothing the out of control child, I believe, and helps them see things with a new perspective.  It works out some strong emotions.

And a really awesome part is that you, the frustrated parent, actually get paid back a bit with a job completed!

My little guy got to clean the shoe shelf today.  Clearing all the shoes off (yes, my kids have way too many, especially in light of the knowledge that many children in Africa don't even own one pair of shoes), vacuuming off the shelves, wiping them, and then putting the shoes back. 

I certainly felt better about his misbehavior after the job was done!

Also a few times this summer, towards the end of a day spent all together, my 4 kids have gotten to fighting too much.  I can't even make dinner for running upstairs to solve disputes.  So, after the 3rd time or so, I just say, "Okay, everybody downstairs for some chore time."  No arguing over who is pestering whom or who was just reading a book and not doing anything -- I don't want to hear it, chore time!  They work while I cook and peace is restored!

One of my favorite chores to hand out is sweeping because it always needs to be done in our house and even my littlest can do it without help.  I keep two of these hand broom & dustpan sets hanging just inside a closet ready to hand out!

Find more Works for Me Wednesday here.

Tattletales Occasionally Appreciated

If you have more than one child, chances are you've heard the tattling.

"No tattling!" becomes the mantra and rule of many who spend a good bit of time around young children.

I began that way, too, but it was the addition of my 3rd child that made me rethink the "No tattling" policy.

No mama can be everywhere all the time, but especially a mama of 3 or more who is out-numbered may begin to realize that the extra eyes of siblings combined with their loud voices that are perfect for announcing situations in need of attention can be used for good. And that hmmmm, maybe tattling is needed sometimes!

For example:

"MOOOOOOM, he's coloring on the wall again!"Good to know! (My 3rd child was the king of toddler antics!)

But, then there's the tattling that is not good to know, "She's looking at me!" or, "He's not sharing!"

So, I realized the rule "No tattling" was not working for me, because there were times I did want my kids to rat our their siblings.

So, the rule was changed to "Tell me if they are hurting someone or hurting the house, otherwise use your words and work it out yourself."

When my kids come to me with a tattle that doesn't fit the criteria (which there seems to have been a resurgence of lately around here), I ask, "Is that hurting anyone? or hurting the house?" Usually after a few days of repeating the question several times they realize what is and is not going to get my attention and the annoying tattling dies down.

Do you have any tricks for handling tattling and harnessing the power of those little eyes for good?

Find more of the special themed edition What Doesn't Work for Me Wednesday here.

Anybody?

Anybody else threaten to throw away all the Halloween candy this week if one more child asked if they could have just one more piece?!!

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Anybody else have the kid who had to try asking for a piece of candy after breakfast on Monday morning? In our house that would be the 3 year old. Nice try, Buddy, but no, no candy until at least after lunch!

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Anybody else consider it their motherly responsibility to pick out and eat all the Reese's peanut butter cups right away from the candy stash since there is a child in the house allergic to peanuts? Better to get those out of the way right off the bat so nobody accidentally eats them who can't have peanuts -- just protecting my child!

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Anybody else have kids who were suddenly wheeling and dealing the Halloween candy with each other? "I'll trade you one Twizzlers plus one Laffy Taffy for your jelly beans." "I'll give you 3 M&Ms if you give me half of your Kit Kat."

Just imagine the negotiation skills they're acquiring!

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Anybody else cringe when their 2nd grader came home from school and said, "I have good news and bad news about my next school project."

Me: "What?!! Didn't we just do a project?"

My 2nd grader: "The good news is, we have all month to work on it. The bad news is, we're working on it only at school so you can't help me with it."

Me: (extreme happy dancing on the inside before lying to my kid) "Yeah, that is bad news."

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Anybody else hate it when you are holding a "40% Off Any One Regular Price Item" coupon but the thing you want to buy is on sale for 10% off? In fact everything in the store appears to be 10 or 20% off and the coupon you meticulously cut from the Sunday paper and carefully stored in your purse, and managed to find again amid the old grocery lists, spider rings, and used Kleenex, seems to be mocking you because it is actually next to impossible to find anything in the store that is regular price! And should you happen upon the magic item that is full price, you're tempted to buy it just to be able to use the 40% off coupon even if it is not at all what you came shopping for. Tell me I'm not alone here!

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Anybody else look under their 3 year old's bed and find this:


Me to the 3 year old: "Why are all your toys crammed under the bed?"

The 3 year old: "That's my garage."

I made him scoot under the bed and get every last thing out. He got on all fours and protested that he couldn't fit under the bed. My reply? "Sure you can, just lie on your tummy and slither like a snake." And that's what he had to do until it was all cleared out.

We'll see if all the effort to clean up the under-the-bed mess keeps him from doing it again!

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Have a wonderful weekend and if you're somewhere that observes "Fall-back", enjoy the extra hour of sleep or use that extra hour to make this adorable Thanksgiving shirt or ruffle up one of your sweaters or transform some of your regular jeans into skinny jeans!

It will likely take me the full hour to decide which of those options I'd most like to do during my extra hour!

Find more Finer Things Friday and Friday Fragments.

Life Lessons Learned the Hard Way

This post was originally written October 12, 2009, but I have to say this learn-it-the-hard way lesson had to happen again this year.

This picture was taken around 8:35PM last Thursday night.

Do you see that orange folder there on the chair?

It's my 6 year old's homework folder filled with his homework packet that is due back at school the next morning. A packet of 8 worksheets that came home on Monday, to be returned on Friday. He worked on it a little each day all through the week, very diligently without my nagging him.

After finishing the last worksheet, he put the homework packet into his folder, but didn't put the folder in his backpack.

Now he is in bed and I am staring at the folder.

My son and I have talked several times about setting up his backpack with everything he needs for the next day, the night before.

I know the folder is in danger of being overlooked there on the chair in the hustle and bustle of the morning.

I want so much to swoop in and fix the situation.

It would be so easy, only taking about 2 seconds of my time, to put the folder into his backpack for him.

It might even feel good, like I was taking care of my baby, protecting him from a potentially bad and uncomfortable situation at school without his homework.

But I don't do it.

Because I don't want to have to do it for the next 11 years.

Because someday he'll go off to college and I won't be there to do it for him.

Because the consequence for forgetting 1st grade homework is so much more bearable than the consequences for forgetting a high school term paper, or important notes for a key client at his grown-up job.

Because I remember the one time I didn't have my homework at school. I was mortified and it never happened again.

Because sometimes the consequences life can deliver teach the lesson so much better than a mom can.

Because I believe sometimes being a mom is about the things you don't do for your kids.

Will he be grateful someday?

Probably not, but this mothering job is not about thanks!


Find more Thankful Thursday here.

The Power to Choose

You know, I think the more kids you have and the longer you are a parent the less that you can say works for you. Because, often things work for one kid but then a younger brother or sister hits that phase and it doesn't work for them. Or something worked for a while, but then it stopped working.

But, I have an easy phrase that has worked for me for years now with all 3 of my kids.

When we are at a playground or otherwise fun place my kids may not want to leave and it's close to time to go I will say, "Do you guys want to leave in 3 minutes or 4 minutes?" or you can change it up to "5 minutes or 6 minutes" and I've even been known to do "1 minute or 2 minutes?"

Obviously I don't really care what they answer, one minute is no difference to me, but somehow giving them the feeling of control allows for a smooth exit once it is time to leave.

They always, always choose the longer choice. Every single time!

But, then once the 4 minutes is over I say, "Okay guys it's been 4 minutes; time to go," and I start heading for the car.

If they protest I remind them that they chose 4 minutes and it has been 4 minutes. Who can argue with their own choice?

Really, the magic works, because they give in at that point and follow me to the car without tantrums, screaming, or crying, which I wish I could say about every other aspect of our lives!

Find more Works for Me Wednesday here.

Life on a Friday

I made it!!! A sweet ruffle skirt for my daughter. Last weekend, I used this tutorial, one of my old pink t-shirts, and some nylon chiffon left over from this project. I love how it turned out and have so many other sewing projects I want to tackle -- if I can just find the time!


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Wanna know what's really hard to sew?

Sleeves for a doll dress!

Don't ask me how I know.

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My house is definitely suffering from the new sewing addiction! My fridge needs to be cleaned out in the worst way. A child that will remain nameless spilled a cup of milk in the refrigerator a few days ago. We wiped up the obvious spill, but I'm still ignoring the fact that it seeped under the shelf edge in a few spots.

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And speaking of messes, my 7 year old and I have been having some quality control issues. As in, he is supposed to do a chore like wiping off the table, he comes to tell me its done, but I go in later and only about 1/16th of the table appears to have been wiped and the rest still has crumbs and sticky stuff. And the rag and spray? Left on the floor next to the table!

I've decided he's way too old to allow this behavior to slide, work ethic and doing a job right are very important life lessons, and that summer is a perfect time to tackle this little issue. So, I've been doing the extra steps of inspecting his work, calling him back over and pointing out the problems he needs to fix. The other day this entailed me inspecting the room he supposedly cleaned and when I lifted the bedskirt I discovered about 40 small toys, mostly action figures. "What's all this?" I ask. He says, "Mom, that's where they go!"

Praise God for the label-maker labels! I was able to hold up an action figure guy and say, "No Baby, what is this?" Him: "A guy" Me (pointing to the drawer labeled "Guys"): "And what does this say?" Him: "Guys" Me: "So then where should it go?"

I know, you're so glad you're not my kid!

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My 3 year old has a recurring complaint about life. I hear at least 50 times each day, "It's taking a long time! Why it taking a long time?!!!!" I hear this when it is 8AM and the Children's Museum does not open until 10AM. I hear this when it takes any longer than .5 seconds to get him a cup of milk.

Those are the annoying parts, but the funny parts:

He's working on floating on his back in swim lessons and the other day he was doing great, his teacher had dropped him in the water feet first, he came up on his back and was floating towards the side like he's supposed to, but it takes a couple minutes to make it to the side, so there he was doing a perfect back float but hollering, "It takes a long time! Why it take a long time!" Have mercy on his poor swim teacher!

And when I was tucking him in bed a couple nights ago, he crawled in, put his head on the pillow for about 20 seconds, and began fussing, "It takes a long time! Why it take a long time?!!!!" I asked, "What takes a long time?" because I really couldn't imagine what he was so frustratedly waiting on. "To fall asleep!" he tells me!

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Have you ever been talking to a friend on your land-line phone but at the same time herding your children in the car -- shoes on everyone, grab the purse, water for the thirsty child, keys, send one back in to go potty, get everyone strapped in -- and begin reversing down your driveway before you realize you are talking on your home phone and not your cell phone?!!

Yeah, me either!!!
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And for added grins, anybody remember when cell phones were that big? Or actually bigger. My dad had one the size of a carry-on bag!

Find more Friday Fragments, Finer Things Friday, and Friday Funnies at Homesteader's Heart, & 7 Quick Takes Friday.

As parents we need all the help we can get!

"Feel free to keep the toys you clean up."

"Would you like to leave the park in 2 minutes or 3 minutes?"

"We will play that game as soon as you put your shoes away."

"I'll listen when your voice is as calm as mine."

These phrases and others like them have completely and utterly saved my sanity when dealing with my kids. I learned them in a book.

I've read many books through the years relating to parenting, but the book that has helped the most is Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. I highly recommend this book and the Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood.



The parenting philosophy presented in the books makes sense and the techniques really work.

The keys are to remain calm (and I've found when you have a strategy for dealing with behavior it really makes it easier to be calm) and to follow through.

For example, I used the first phrase above, "Feel free to keep the toys you clean up." with my 7 year old who has gotten in the habit of just moving around a couple toys and not really putting anything away when asked to clean his room. I said it in a very calm, matter of fact way and was completely ready to pack up the toys that he didn't put away and put them in the garage for a while. It is a logical consequence because if he cannot put away his toys by himself then he probably has too many toys to be responsible for. But, you know what? It worked! He actually cleaned them all up! First time in a long time he's done it without more of a fight, but also was the first time I phrased the request in a Love and Logic fashion. (I have to re-read the book often to stay on top of my parenting game!)

I heard from a teacher recently who uses the Love and Logic approach with her class. She said her favorite tactic is when the kids get too loud in line as she walks them through the hallways, she stops and simply says, "I'll continue when you're quiet." She said it is amazing how quickly the kids stop talking. She knows from experience that barking idle things like, "Quiet!" or "Who's talking?!" would just be ignored and would only succeed in getting her upset.

I was really happy to hear that teachers are now adopting this great method of interacting with kids!

**This is not a paid endorsement. I genuinely have, read, and use these books. But, if you purchase a book through my link or store, I will receive a small portion of the sale.**

Find more Works for Me Wednesday here.

They had to try it!

This afternoon when I put my toddler in two minutes of time-out (he threw a toy across the room), he decided to try out some new tactics.

The first 30 seconds he spent yelling, "But I love you Mommy! I love you!"

I ignored him.

Realizing that wasn't going to work, he switched tactics and began yelling, "I don't love you! I don't love you!"

I ignored him.

So, he saw the need to try yet another tactic. His sister had just minutes earlier gotten some attention for complaining that her leg hurt. So for his final 45 seconds in time-out he yelled, "My leg hurts! My leg hurts!"

Only in my mind did I commend his efforts!

Then there is my 4 year old daughter who has for the last several weeks been trying out a new, totally different tactic of her own.

It is the loud-and-dramatic-crying-when-she-doesn't-get-her-way tactic. She began using it on her brothers. I remember the first few times those boys were so surprised at her pitiful crying that they immediately caved and began going above and beyond to make her happy again.

But, by about the 5th or 6th time, both her big brother and her little brother didn't seem as phased by her crying outbursts. I suppose boys without sisters have to wait until they are dating to learn that girls sometimes try to control people with their tears!

Then she tried it on me.

I ignored her until the crying went on for an annoying amount of time (I think I max out around 6 or 7 minutes). And then I told her that I'd be glad to talk to her about why she was upset when she was calm, but if she still needed to cry she'd have to go to her room because it was hurting my ears. When she realized I wasn't going to cave to the tears, she quit.

I love the moments in parenting when your kids are so transparent you can see exactly what is going through their heads and you know just how to handle it. Sometimes those moments feel really rare and I am just frustrated by their behavior and at a loss as to how to handle it, so I am thankful for the times I clearly see it and for the laughs my husband and I can have at their expense after they've gone to bed!

This post is part of the Moms' 30-Minute Blog Challenge.

Check out Gratituesday & Tuesdays Unwrapped.

Getting Kids to Do Chores

My kids are 6, 4, and 2 years old and although young, I do want them to be in the habit of doing chores. Not for hours a day, but just enough to have a bit of responsibility, be helpful, and learn to take care of the house. Right now, at their ages, that means about 15 minutes of work required.

But I have struggled to find a way to motivate them to get the chore done well, quickly, and without complaining. Recently I've been doing something that is working amazingly well!

Have you ever seen the Duggars on TV? You know the family with 18 kids and counting. Or is it 19 by now? I've only watched a few times, but I did notice they have a "buddy system" where they match an older kid with a younger sibling. The older is responsible for helping out with that younger child.

I never dreamed I could use any semblance of that system with only 3 kids, but with the chores, lately I've been assigning 2 of them the same chore, with the older child's job to help the younger one do it.

For example, my 6 year old son recently showed his 4 year old sister how to wipe down all the surfaces in the bathroom. Then she did it with him coaching for the 2nd bathroom. Also, my 4 year old is teaching my 2 year old to set the table before dinner.

What is so cool is that the kids LOVE being in the teacher/coach role and they do a really good job and the younger is eager to do something usually only the bigger kid does, so they are an interested apprentice.

I guess the newness of it all may wear off soon, but for now it is fun hearing them teaching each other!

"Now you have to wipe this part of the potty before you wipe this part, so you don't spread the yucky stuff around to the not as yucky part."

He was listening when I taught him a couple years ago!

Find more Works for Me Wednesday tips here.

Getting your kids to play together

My kids are 6, 4, and 2 years old. They are each other's favorite playmates, and I love that! I want them to play well together, to enjoy their siblings, but I have noticed they kind of have to be taught or conditioned to play well together.

It is not all bliss, we are still figuring it out, but here is what I have noticed works to help siblings play well together:

1. Give them opportunity - I think this is huge, you must allow time for unstructured play among your own kids. If they are constantly in school, other activities, or with same-age friends, then there is no time for bonding with their brothers & sisters.

2. Let them play alone some - Give your kids some space to play without you in the exact same room all the time. Leave them in a child-proofed area and go work on something in another room where you can still hear what is going on with their play. Often my kids work things out better when I'm not right there. They attempt to solve their own disputes rather than coming right to me.

3. Ask a lot of questions - When there are disputes I don't take sides right away. Rather I ask them a lot of questions like, "What happened?" "Did you ask him nicely to give it back?" "Did you ask her nicely if you could have a turn?" "Was that kind?" "How would you feel if your sister did that to you?" Or in the picture above my older 2 kids turned the bottom bunk bed into a tent, but were not allowing their 2 year old brother to play in it with them. He came crying to me and all I had to ask the older kids was, "Did you build the tent on his bed?" They did and that question was all it took for them to realize they needed to let him play!

4. And then there is my favorite question - "Can you guys work it out or do I need to work it out for you?" Of course, my working it out would be not fun, like taking away the contested toy so nobody could play with it.

5. Another tactic - if there starts to be a lot of squabbling, it becomes chores time. I do not usually directly say, "Since you are fighting so much, you must do chores." But I think subconsciously they realize the cause and effect -- "hmmm, if we play nicely Mom let's us play; if we argue, she makes us fold laundry with her."

6. Last, we talk a lot about what a blessing it is to have siblings to play with. "Isn't it so special that God gave you a sister and a brother?"

Find more Works for Me Wednesday and Wordless or Wordful Wednesday.

Lessons Learned Sooner Rather Than Later

This picture was taken around 8:35PM last Thursday night.

Do you see that orange folder there on the chair?

It's my 6 year old's homework folder filled with his homework packet that is due back at school the next morning. A packet of 8 worksheets that came home on Monday, to be returned on Friday. He worked on it a little each day all through the week, very diligently without my nagging him.

After finishing the last worksheet, he put the homework packet into his folder, but didn't put the folder in his backpack.

Now he is in bed and I am staring at the folder.

My son and I have talked several times about setting up his backpack with everything he needs for the next day, the night before.

I know the folder is in danger of being overlooked there on the chair in the hustle and bustle of the morning.

I want so much to swoop in and fix the situation.

It would be so easy, only taking about 2 seconds of my time, to put the folder into his backpack for him.

It might even feel good, like I was taking care of my baby, protecting him from a potentially bad and uncomfortable situation at school without his homework.

But I don't do it.

Because I don't want to have to do it for the next 11 years.

Because someday he'll go off to college and I won't be there to do it for him.

Because the consequence for forgetting 1st grade homework is so much more bearable than the consequences for forgetting a high school term paper, or important notes for a key client at his grown-up job.

Because I remember the one time I didn't have my homework at school. I was mortified and it never happened again.

Because sometimes the consequences life can deliver teach the lesson so much better than a mom can.

Because I believe sometimes being a mom is about the things you don't do for your kids.

Will he be grateful someday?

Probably not, but this mothering job is not about thanks!

Check out Gratituesday, Tackle it Tuesday, and Tuesdays Unwrapped.

Need

My toddler's new favorite phrase is "Mommy I need you!" with the middle "e" sound especially drawn out for effect.

He sounds so pitiful when he says it, that at first I would respond immediately whenever I heard it. And I wanted him to know I was there for him in his time of need.

But then I began to notice that the times he used that phrase were usually the times he really didn't need my attention, like when his daddy had put him in time-out and he began yelling, "MOMMY I NEEEEEED YOU!"

He did not need me at that moment. What he needed was to serve his 2 minute time-out and perhaps dwell on the fact that throwing toys does not lead to fun consequences.

I also noticed that the times he really did need me he did not say, "Mommy I need you!" Like right before he fell off the back of the couch or hit his sister or began applying my makeup.

And it all got me thinking how often I don't call on God when I should, how often the things I think I need His help with are really not the important things at all.

I know I've prayed for God to rescue me from a "time-out" or two in my life.

Thankfully, Matt 6:8 says, ". . .your Father knows what you need, before you ask Him."

"Let us therefore draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and may find grace to help in time of need." Heb 4:16

Find more Thankful Thursday here.

End the Morning Nagging

"Eat your breakfast." "Brush your teeth." "Come on let's fix your hair." "I'm waiting, are you coming to the bathroom to get your hair fixed?" "Why aren't your shoes on yet?" "Come on you're going to be late!" "Don't forget your backpack." "Do you have your backpack?" "I can't believe you got in the car without your backpack!"

Yep, that's what you could hear my husband or I saying every morning of last school year when our firstborn was in kindergarten.

It was an exercise in patience, extreme patience, every day from 7AM to 7:45 AM and my husband and I?

Are not morning people.

But mornings this year?

No nagging at all, no reminders, and the 6 year old is ready and waiting by the backdoor at 7:35AM!

The answer was so simple I cannot believe we suffered so long without it!

Before this school year started I bought this little blank, fish-shaped cardboard flip book for $1 at Michaels. I filled the 10 pages with the tasks my son needs to do before school each morning and a few pieces of really terrible artwork:

1. Wake up & Get Dressed (we lay out his clothes the night before)

2. Eat breakfast

3. Clear your spot (this means his spot at the table)

4. Help pack your lunch

5. Brush teeth

6. Hair Fixed

7. Put socks and shoes on

8. Grab backpack and lunch

9. Be ready by backdoor at 7:35 AM

10. Have a super day! We love you so much! "Do not fear, for I am with you; I will strengthen you and help you." Isaiah 41:10

So our 6 year old follows the book step-by-step in the mornings and if he achieves the 7:35 AM goal without any reminders he gets to move up one on our privilege ladder.

And for the last 2 days it has worked beautifully!

Find more Works for me Wednesday here.

Holding My Hand

My toddler has reached the point where more than half the time he walks with me through parking lots rather than being carried. It works fine, and saves me from lugging his 30 pound self around on my hip, as long as he holds my hand.

But sometimes, he tugs his little hand out of mine, refusing the hand holding.

I remember well, this phase with my firstborn child. He loved to walk on his own and the freedom of not being carried. When he tried to push the independence too far and wanted to walk by himself through the parking lot, I would say, “You need to hold my hand.” At that point he would clasp his two chubby toddler hands behind his back and say, “I’m holding my hand.”

In his toddler mind he was holding his own hand and thus didn’t need to hold mine.

Although he was indeed holding his own hand, I knew that wasn’t good enough to protect him from cars or keep him from stumbling over the speed bump, so I’d lean down and say, “Walk and hold my hand or be carried.”

Many times I had to follow through on the carrying part when he balked again at holding my hand. He is that strong-willed child always testing to see if you’re really serious about the consequence. But his desire to walk rather than have to be carried was great enough that he eventually would hold my hand.

I didn’t go through this phase with my 2nd child. She was quite the opposite and wanted to be carried everywhere as a toddler. The issue with her was getting her to walk on her own.

But, now I am again tackling the hand-holding-battle with my 3rd child. Thankfully he is not as strong-willed as his brother and usually agrees to the hand holding at the first, “You need to hold my hand" command.

But still, I am saying that phrase a bunch these days.

And so during my quiet time when this verse jumped out at me I couldn't help but be captivated by it:

Psalm 37:23-24, “The steps of a man are established by the Lord; and He delights in his way. When he falls, he shall not be hurled headlong; Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.”

Man am I ever thankful that the Lord is holding my hand! Because holding my own hand sure wouldn't cut it!

Find more Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers & Tackle It Tuesday at 5 Minutes for Mom

His Favorite Chore!

13 Explanations for this picture:

1. Anyone remember this post of mine about making the punishment fit the crime?

2. A consequence I came up with for my son and daughter gleefully using the phrase "poopy diapers" for fun several times per day just to be gross was that since they were so interested in poopy diapers, they would help me change their little brother's next dirty diaper.

3. When the time to change the diaper came, my 6 year old son whom I love very much, but who is as stubborn as a mule, said, "I'm not doing it."

4. He challenges me daily and has since, well, infancy, but this time I didn't miss a beat. I replied with, "If you will not help your sister and me change this diaper then you can empty the entire Diaper Genie trash by yourself."

5. My logic was if he refused the consequence of changing the one dirty diaper, then a bigger consequence would be to deal with a lot of dirty diapers, some even having the benefit of a few days to really earn their stench!

6. My son happily agreed to do the diaper trash changing! I talked him through how to do it and went off to complete the diaper change with my nearly 4 year old daughter's help. She used approximately 26 wipes to clean up her brother, but didn't mind the process at all. It was perhaps a bigger punishment for my toddler as the diaper change took 3 times longer than if I did it!

7. My 6 year old took the diaper trash all the way to the outside trash can and then declared he wanted the diaper trash to be his regular chore!

8. I agreed that was a super idea!

9. And then wondered if he truly enjoyed the chore or if his excitement about it was all just to spite me, since it was intended as a punishment.

10. He has enthusiastically changed the diaper trash every time it has needed it (roughly 4 times) since!

11. In fact, he complains more about setting the table than the diaper trash!

12. And the "poopy diaper" phrase has lost its luster and appeal as a randomly squealed kid phrase around the house!

13. For that and passing on the diaper trash chore to my son, I am abundantly thankful!

Check out Thankful Thursday, Thousand Words Thursday, Thursday Thirteen, Things I love Thursday.

Works for me Wednesday: The Punishment Fits the Crime

Often it feels like as a parent there are 100 things I try with my children for every 2 I find that work. One of the things I love about reading blogs is hearing what works for other parents, because maybe it will work for me too and save all the trial and error!

I've shared our Privilege Chart and The Capture Monster before in WFMW, but the other method of consequencing kid behavior that has worked best in our home is Making the Punishment Fit the Crime.

Here are some of the ways I've used this method with super results:

Crime: While on a car trip 6 year old announces from the back seat that he has some trash he needs thrown away. Mom replies, "We're stopping to eat right up here, just hold onto it and you can throw it away when you get out." Instead of obeying, 6 year old throws the trash into the front seat, narrowly missing Mom's head.

Punishment: "Oh, it's too bad you chose to do that, now you will clean all the trash out of the car when we stop."


Crime: 3 year old daughter is whining about something.

Punishment: "It sounds like you need to rest; go to your room until your voice doesn't sound whiney anymore."


Crime: 4 year old son pinches 2 year old sister's cheek very hard and leaves an ugly red mark.

Punishment: 4 year old son looses favorite toy. When he asks (and he will ask), "When do I get it back?" you calmly reply, "When that red mark is gone from your sister's face." Son will then ask, "But what if the red mark never goes away?" You reply, "then you'll never get the toy back." Son will check sister's face with much concern every 15 minutes for the next day and a half until mark disappears.


Crime: 6 year old son is playing around when you've told him it was time to get ready for baseball practice. Child horses around so much causing you to be 10 minutes late to the practice.

Punishment: Child must walk up to coach and apologize for being late. For all but the most outgoing child, this will be awkward enough to get them ready on time for practice the rest of the season!


(This next one is my favorite and has just recently played out in our home)

Crime: 6 year old son and 3 year old daughter have taken to the adorable phrase, "poopy diapers" and use it with glee, often, even at meal times.

Punishment: After days of warning kids several times that it is not a nice thing to say, Mom says, "Since you guys are so interested in poopy diapers, the next time your baby brother has a dirty diaper, the two of you are going to help me clean him up."


Did you know discipline could be this fun? If you have any good ones, I'd love to hear them!

Find more Works for Me Wednesday at We are THAT Family.

"Come to the carpet"

My oldest son is the type of kid that you have to tell 5 times to put his shoes on because we are leaving and still you load the car and look down at that child and NO SHOES!

He likes to do his own thing, in his own world, eager to do things he wants to do, but not necessarily what is commanded of him.

So, it really was no surprise what his only issue would be in Kindergarten.

I didn’t want to be the mom who pesters the teacher, constantly asking for updates on how my child is doing, and mostly I’m content with the knowledge that “no news is good news”. But at the beginning of the year, after two weeks and no updates either positive or negative, except what was passed on through my prodding my son for information, I couldn’t stand it any longer. So, on a Friday when I picked him up I casually asked his teacher, “How’s he doing?” She said fine, “He’s a sweet boy.” And then for the negative. . .

“He is a little slow about coming to the carpet for storytime; I have to ask him multiple times.”

So there you go, no problems writing his letters, playing with others, reading or math (he is actually testing grades ahead in all those areas), but slow to come to the carpet!

Like any parent would do when a teacher brings a problem to their attention, I talked to my son about it and he admitted that yes, he was usually the last one to come to the carpet. So we worked on it at home and since he’s into superheroes we talked about him being fast like “The Flash”. I made it into a silly game that he actually liked. I’d yell, “Okay everybody, time to come to the carpet and sit criss-cross applesauce!” and he'd come running and sit down on our rug with his legs crossed. We practiced several times, with me even adding in surprise drills and it worked! The next week he said he was FIRST on the rug and even got to pick out a special treasure as a reward!

Oh that all his school issues would be so easily tackled these next 12 years!!!!

I smile at this story, but my son’s failure to respond at lightning speed when I call him to get ready to go, really is frustrating for me. I have three kids and a very busy schedule and my efficiency to accomplish anything is hampered when one of my children will not just, “Come on!” It is just not the best use of my energy or time to have to call him and tell him things several times.

As this slow-to-the-carpet scenario unfolded last September, I was studying Jesus calling the disciples in Mark chapter 1 in a Bible study and I couldn’t help but reflect on Mark 1:17-18, “And Jesus said to them, ‘Follow Me, and I will make you become fishers of men.’ And they immediately left the nets and followed Him.”

IMMEDIATELY, it says! Not "they had to think about it for a while, create an Excel spreadsheet with the pros and cons of the decision, poll all their friends for help. . ." No! They just went right away and left everything they knew - their lives, their jobs, their families!

How often does Jesus call me to leave so much less to “Come join Him on the carpet”, but there I am lingering back on the hard floor! He wants my immediate obedience. Why? Because it is more efficient that way. There is a task to accomplish, an eternal goal to save people with Jesus! There really is no time to waste, when Jesus tells me to “Come” I need to just grab my shoes and go!

I am grateful for His patience with me and pray I can show the same to my son.

Find more Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers, What I Learned this Week at Musings of a Housewife, Tackle It Tuesday at 5 Minutes for Mom, and Talk About Tuesday at The Lazy Organizer.

Works for me Wednesday: Dealing with Loveys

If you have kids, chances are at least one of them is/was a lovey-toting toddler. Loveys are security objects like blankies or stuffed animals that a child is very attached to and wants to take everywhere. I've even seen a child with a burp cloth as his lovey and he put it in his mouth whenever he needed to feel a little more secure!

Loveys are great soothers for kids but can cause trouble for parents.

Here I've listed common lovey issues I've personally encountered with my kids and solutions that made things easier:

Problem #1: The Lovey needs to be washed or gets lost

Normal result: Child will freak out until lovey is returned.

Solution: Have multiples of the lovey. Multiples must be introduced very early and rotated in frequently with the original lovey or your child will sniff out the duplicate! My kids like those waffle-weave blankets from Target, so they have 3 or 4 each. Pink for my daughter and blue for the boys. My daughter did try the trick of getting attached to carrying all 3 blankets at once, but I was somehow able to always keep a blankie washed and present when needed.

Problem #2: The Lovey has to be carried everywhere.

Normal result: It is cumbersome because the parent is always keeping up with the treasured item, as in "Here Mommy, hold this while I go play on the playground!" Also, the lovey gets super dirty and quickly worn out being literally drug around everywhere.

Solution: Enter the kid backpack. I got one of these for my daughter and it works great. She can put whatever she wants in that backpack and bring it wherever she wants, as long as the bag can close and she can carry it by herself at all times! Below is my daughter's backpack (with monogrammed name cloned out) and as usual it is stuffed full of her entourage (which in recent weeks has grown to include exactly 9 small stuffed creatures -- there's the mama & baby kitties, the penguin, the bear, the bunny, the doggie, 2 monkeys, and a little doll). All fine with me as long as they fit in the bag and she carries it!

Alternative Solution to Problem #2: Don't allow the lovey outside the home or child's bed. From the beginning make it only something they can have at home or even more specifically in their bed. This worked great with my oldest child. He loved his blankies for sleeping but when he got up I'd insist that it stay in the bed and that is just the way it was. Now my parenting resolve on this issue got harder with his little sister, because she was a 2nd child and thus forced to nap on the go sometimes due to carting big brother around. So, I had a hard time establishing the line between car seat, bed, playground, friend's house, church, etc.!!!


Problem #3: Preschool frowns on children bringing in toys and blankies from home.

Normal Result: You worry for the entire summer about how you are going to peel your wailing child away from his or her lovey to send them into the classroom. You begin devising a plan about why your child's situation is really special and they deserve an exception to the "leave the stuff from home outside the classroom" rule.

Solution: Again, enter the backpack. This worked wonders for my security item(s) attached little girl. She was allowed to bring blankie into her 2 year old Mother's Day out, but once she was to begin 3 year old preschool she was supposed to leave items from home outside the classroom on a spot marked with her name. I got her the backpack shortly before school started and made a huge deal about it being the special place where her blankie and animals could wait for her. She took to the whole deal with excitement and without a tear!!! I think the fact that the loveys are hidden from view inside the backpack makes them easier to leave behind outside the classroom.


Problem #4: Child is getting attached to a lovey that is not a good one (like one that you cannot find a duplicate of or one that is just too cumbersome to deal with). For example, a few months ago I noticed my toddler began getting attached to a stuffed snake he found in his brother's room that his big brother had long forgotten about.
Normal Result: You allow attachment to form and are stuck with the inconvient lovey for the next 2 years!

Solution: Okay, this will put me down into the worst mother hall of fame, but I hid the snake! Come on, I couldn't be forced to travel everywhere with that and anyway, even the 2 year-old crowd was sure to make fun of my son's snake scarf! I caught the bond so early that my son only asked a couple times about the snake, "Shake?" (that's toddler for snake), and was not at all upset that he couldn't find it!

Final Note: Loveys can be great comfort for kids and a wonderful alternative to pacifiers or thumb-sucking which in older toddlers can be more harmful soothers. My youngest actually didn't have a lovey when he was 13 months old and I wanted to take away his pacifier, so I introduced a small, soft, blankie lovey by giving it to him to hold everytime we cuddled right before I tucked him into bed. It worked and he still wants to clutch one now, 9 months later whenever he's going to sleep.


Find More Works for Me Wednesday at We are THAT Family

P.S. The answer to my little quiz on yesterday's post is absolutely B!