Saturday, January 16, 2010

It is my dream, too!

The other morning my 4 year old daughter suddenly looked at me and asked, "Mommy, when I get big am I going to look exactly the same as you?"

As I turned to her and began an attempt to answer the question, tons of thoughts raced through my mind all at the same time.

I hadn't put on make-up or gotten ready for the day yet and I'm sure I looked terrible, so I was thinking she's probably asking and hoping the answer is "no"! So, I asked, "Do you
want to look like me?" in a very incredulous voice. Still her reply was, "Yes."

But the part that hit me like a ton of bricks was the thought, "So this is the age when
she'll care." Four years old. My daughter whom I have not yet met. The one I'm adopting from Ethiopia.

For my biological daughter the answer is easy. I told her, "Sweetheart, you won't look exactly the same as me when you grow up. You may be about as tall as me and may look a little like me, but no, you will not look exactly like I do. And that's good. You'll be your own beautiful person."

And for my future daughter, the answer is the same, but oh, how much more complicated the issue is!

Most likely her skin will be brown, mine is an extremely pale peach. Her hair will likely be curly, either a little or a lot, mine is super straight. We will be different races.

And, oh, how I wish that didn't matter. But I know there will be times when it will. There will probably be different ages and stages of my future daughter's life when it will be a very big issue to her. And, very sadly, I fear there will be times when people out in the world will make that an issue for her.

I pray that she will see herself as the beautiful, cherished, loved child that she will be to us.

I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor's lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I share in your dream!

Find more Mom-Monday here.


  1. She'll be fine. I turned out okay! You sound like a great mom! If she asks just tell her that she is going to grow to look like her own person with the heart of your family.

  2. Wow. This was just beautiful. I'm writing this through tears in my eyes. You are a beautiful mom. How wonderful that you are adopting!


    p.s. Thanks for linking up for Mom-Monday today!

  3. This was a great post, and I agree she will be fine, for she will be loved. I will tell you something personal about myself. I had my first son when I just turned 18 years old. His biological father is a black haired, brown eyed, very dark skinned native american. I am a green eye blonde and married a blue eyed blonde 3 years later. My husband adopted Joe when he was not quite 2 and half. Needless to say Joe does not look one single thing like ANY of us. His two brothers and sister are all blonde hair, blue eyed, and quite tall. Joe is brown hair and eyed and only 5 foot 9... (extrememly good looking btw, haha) You would never believe the amount of people who felt free to point this fact out to Joe over the course of his life. "WOW... who do you look like?" they would ask. And Joe always said the same thing, "I look like me, but I am just like my dad." And you know what, he was...He has a wonderful relationship with his dad and has looked up to him his whole life. To this day (Joe is 37) he calls his dad for advice and opinions on things and won't make important decisions until he talks them over with him. He has told me more than once, God knew the kind of dad I needed, and that's who I got." Your daughter has been hand picked by God for your family and she will be "like" you in many many ways. I am exicted for you all. Blessings, Debbie

  4. OMgoodness! I've only just found you and know that You are beautiful! Your brown skinned baby will be just amazing..look at the example that you are all ready setting, with eyes wide open!

    Doing a bit of hopping. Hope you'll come by Lucy’s when you get a chance.


I'd love to hear what you think!